remmy goes to shanghai

average temp.: mid-60’s
today’s accomplishment: brought home a microwaveable stuffed animal in my backpack
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are you as amazed by life’s absurdities as i am? do you find yourself shaking your head and just thanking god for the sheer ridiculousness of people?

i pick up the shanghai magazine (well i think that’s what it’s called…it just says SH on the front)…anyway…i pick it up here and there. it’s a weekly magazine not unlike the city paper for those of you baltimore city types. it comes out once a week and does reviews on local restaurants, places to hang out, and usually lists the week’s happenings and social activities. it tends to be geared toward the single crowd and those with somewhat eclectic tastes. my favorite section is this little column right at the beginning called “this week in reality”. about 2 weeks ago, i came across the most absurdly hilarious facts…

oct 30: “a hong kong woman has been detained after threatening to throw her children out the window. the 36-year-old woman, surnamed li, became angry with her children’s substandard homework efforts. she phoned her husband, surnamed chan, telling him to hurry home or ‘i will throw them out of the window.’ chan became alarmed, in part because earlier in october another hong kong woman defenestrated her children before jumping to her death. he called the police, who were quickly dispatched to li’s apartment. they found her calm, with no intention of throwing out her children.”

nov 2: “a university student in fuzhou who failed his exams fled to the forest to avoid the shame of facing his parents. the man, surnamed li, dug a 1.6m cave to live in and survived on wild fruit and vegetables. after 12 days in the forest, a stranger saw 22-year-old li roasting sweet potatoes and reported him to police. although li completed his college studies in july, he was refused a diploma after falling short in his examinations. upon being discovered, li returned home.”

true stories all….guess they really do take school serious around here.

of course, as much as i like to enjoy the absurdity of other people’s lives…it’s usually the random stuff that happens to me that cracks me up most.

it’s little things really…like the stuffed animal i mentioned earlier. they actually make stuffed animals that you can microwave and their tummys stay warm to help you sleep. one of my students had one and i loved it so much his family bought me one!

or how i’ve noticed the past couple days that there seem to be gnats or weird little flies out all over the place lately…maybe cuz it’s so warm so late in the year?? i don’t know. but i know that on the scooter they seem to fly into me all the time…especially my face. lip gloss is now out because i’ve had bugs stuck to my lips twice now. and the other day i had one fly in my eye and get stuck in my eye lashes. i could just see myself strolling into church with little bugs sticking out of my teeth and eyes!!

of course, you can’t beat the hilarity of girls night out…especially when the girls consist of me (a youth director) and 4 of my volunteers (2 moms of teenagers, 1 young married woman, and 1 mother of toddlers who claims to have not been out in 3 years!). the ladies were certainly in rare form with exclamations of, “the only drink i’m familiar with is a 6oz. bottle of milk!” while sipping a mojita and unceremoniously dumping the mint leaves in the ashtray. of course, the real eye opener of the night came from one mom who said, “my husband reminded me that if chrissy starts checking out those single guys you just remember you have a penis waiting for you at home!” that one was greeted with shrieks from all. who knew the married ladies would get so crazy? i think they get me in more trouble than when i hang out with my single friends!

and we certainly left no topic unmentioned. from babies to sex to youth ministry we covered it all. the night was quickly summed up with, “my husband always says that working in youth ministry requires a special kind of stupid.” ahhh the wisdom of my volunteers!

of course, for me, what truly made the night a success was the quick stop for one last drink…someone just wasn’t ready to go home yet. so we sneak in to some back table of malone’s and order some sort of hawaiian something drink with more fruit juice than anything else. while waiting for our juice on the rocks, a chinese suitor makes his approach. he attempts to woo me with flattering phrases in broken english. when i finally breakdown and shoo him away with protestations of it being “girls night out” he politely smiles and then just before walking away leans over and whispers in my ear, “i love you!” oh the sincerity of love in any language.

so much craziness, so little time. but i’ll regale you with just one more story of the latest in the absurdity that is my life. imagine getting up, getting ready for work, packing your backpack with your laptop and lunch and all the usual things, grabbing your keys, putting on your shoes and reaching to open the door…and opening the door…and pushing the door, and kicking the door…and….ok wait…the door…won’t open. yes…i was locked IN my apt. well i thought, as would you, that i should be SURE. nothing would be worse than claiming to be locked in and then having someone get you out in 2 seconds and you looking dumb. so i put all of my things down, turn the deadbolt locked and unlocked again just to be sure it wasn’t stuck. then, i turn the handle and push and kick and bang and eventually, even body slam…thinking perhaps it’s stuck. i repeat this procedure several more times before finally resigning myself to the fact that i am actually locked IN. yes IN. not out. IN. how? who knows. from what i can piece together my landlord tried to drop something off and messed with the lock and we think he probably messed it up so i couldn’t unlock it from the inside. it ended up that i had to have a friend come so i could get out. i had to drop my keys out the window (which accidently bounced off the hood of a car on the way down) so she could try to unlock from the outside. after a little while she finally jimmied me free. of course, i wasn’t out soon enough to avoid the jokes from renee…you know….chrissy you’re such a homebody. chrissy you really should get out more. har har renee.

so yeah…if you’re having a bad day or you just think your life sux…remember….it could be worse. you could be contending with bugs in your teeth, chinese lovers, or apt. prison. the only question i’m left with…as always…is….

who does these things?